Guys Write for Guys Read–ed. by Jon Scieska

Guys Write for Guys Read.  ed. by Jon Scieska.  New York: Viking, 2005.

Are you a guy?  Looking for advice?  Or maybe you’re a girl looking for advice on how to deal with guys?  Look no further:

“Guys BITE THEIR TOENAILS! This is an art form, not a disgusting habit!  If Olympic gymnasts could bend down far enough to bite their toenails, they’d win gold medals every time!  We defy the physical laws when we chew our toenails.  Not only should we not stop doing it–we should do it more often, and in public!

After guys BITE THEIR TOENAILS THEY CHEW THE NAILS UP INTO LITTLE PIECES AND SWALLOW THEM! Not an art form, really, but crunchy–yum!

After guys BITE THEIR TOENAILS AND CHEW THEM AND SWALLOW THEM THEY FIND A GIRL AND KISS HER! Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh!” (p. 218 )

Not the toenail type?  Not a problem; how about dessert instead?

“The cat puked up the pecan nut log.  Jeff, the youngest and smallest [of the brothers] (and closest to the floor) was the first to go.  He got one look and whiff of the pecan nut cat yack and blew his own sticky lunch all over the cat.  The puke-covered cat jumped on Brian.  Brian barfed on Gregg.  Gregg upchucked on Tom.  Tom burped a bit of Stuckey lunch back on Gregg.  Jim and I rolled down the windows and hung out as far as we could, yelling in group puke horror…Stick with your brothers.  Stick up for your brothers.  And if you ever drop a pecan nut log in a car with your five brothers and your cat…you will probably stick to your brothers.” (p. 216)

Sage advice, learned the hard way, is what this book is all about: guys’ favorite authors, writing about being guys, including tales like…

• My Maturity, in Flames
• Boys, Beer, Barf, and Bonding
• My French Teacher Tried to Kill Me
• My Entire Football Career
• Bombs, Girls

For these and other stories (high school guys CANNOT afford to miss Chris Crutcher’s story, but it can’t be printed here), check out Guys Write for Guys Read.

The Astonishing Adventures of Fanboy and Goth Girl–by Barry Lyga

Lyga, Barry.  The Astonishing Adventures of Fanboy and Goth Girl. Boston: Houghton Mifflin Company, 2006.

“Fanboy has never had it good, but lately his sophomore year is turning out to be its own special hell.  The bullies have made him their favorite target, his best (and only) friend seems headed for the dark side (sports and popularity), and his pregnant mother and the step-fascist are eagerly awaiting the birth of the alien life form known as Fanboy’s new little brother or sister.

Fanboy, though, has a secret: a graphic novel he’s been working on without telling anyone, a graphic novel that he is convinced will lead to publication, fame, and–most important of all–a way out of the crappy little town he lives in and away from all the people who make it hell for him.

When Fanboy meets Kyra, a.k.a. Goth girl, he finds an outrageous, cynical girl who shares his love of comics as well as his hatred for jocks and bullies.  Fanboy can’t resist someone who actually seems to understand him, and soon he finds himself willing to heed her advice–to ignore or crush anyone who stands in his way.

But Kyra has secrets, too.  And they could lead Fanboy to his dreams…or down a path into his own darkness.”

The King of Mulberry Street–by Donna Jo Napoli

Napoli, Donna Jo.  The King of Mulberry Street.  New York: Wendy Lamb Books, 2005.

Beniamino’s family in Napoli, Italy, is very poor, but pretty happy.  They have each other, they have enough food to get by, and most importantly they have their Jewish faith.  When his mother wakes him up very early one morning and asks him to be very quiet while they sneak out of the house, Beniamino is excited at the surprise trip and enjoys spending time with his mom.  But then she gives him some rather mysterious instructions:

“‘First of all, simply survive…Watch, like you always do, watch and learn and do whatever you have to do to fit in.  Talk as little as possible–just watch and use your head…Nothing can stop you, tesoro mio.  Remember, you’re special, a gift from the Most Powerful One.  As soon as you can, get an education.  Be your own boss…Don’t undress with anyone around.  Ever.  Swear to me.”  (p. 23-24)

Just like that, he finds himself stowed away on a cargo ship, on his way to America.  Alone.  He vows to fight his way back to his mother in Napoli, and he does fight fiercely…but how much fight can you put up with no home, no family, no knowledge of English, no money, and no place to turn for help?

“Nothing was going right…I went back to the alley with the dead dog.  I threw pieces of a crushed wooden box into a half-empty barrell to make a clean layer on top of whatever was inside.  Then I climbed in…I recited every one of Nonna’s charms I could remember–charms to keep evil at bay.  That was where I spent my first night in America…” (p. 84)

The Wednesday Wars–by Gary D. Schmidt

Schmidt, Gary D.  The Wednesday Wars.  New York: Clarion Books, 2007.

When Holling Hoodhood starts seventh grade, he quickly finds that a bizarre coincidence is going to leave him alone with his homeroom teacher every Wednesday afternoon, and his teacher is not happy about it.  So Holling looks for help.  But help’s not coming from anyone–least of all from his father, whose chief concern about what happens to his kids seems to be whether it will affect a business deal of his…

“‘Dad, Mrs. Baker hates my guts.’

“‘What did you do?’

“‘I didn’t do anything.  She just hates my guts.’

“‘People don’t just hate your guts unless you do something to them.  So what did you do?’

“‘Nothing.’

“‘This is Betty Baker, right?’

“‘I guess.’

“‘The Betty Baker who belongs to the Baker family.’

“…’I guess she belongs to the Baker family,’ I said.

“‘The Baker family that owns the Baker Sporting Emporium.’

“‘Dad, she hates my guts.’

“The Baker Sporting Emporium, which is about to choose an architect for its new building and which is considering Hoodhood and Associates among its top three choices.’

“‘Dad…’

“So, Holling, what did you do that might make Mrs. Baker hate your guts, which will make other Baker family members hate the name of Hoodhood, which will lead the Baker Sporting Emporium to choose another architect, which will kill the deal for Hoodhood and Associates, which will drive us into bankruptcy, which will encourage several lending institutions around the state to send representatives to our front stoop holding papers that have lots of legal words on them–none of them good–and which will mean that there will be no Hoodhood and Associates for you to take over when I’m ready to retire?’

“…’I guess things aren’t so bad,’ I said.

“‘Keep them that way,’ he said.

“This wasn’t exactly what I had hoped for in an ally.” (p. 7-8 )

Blood on the River–by Elisa Carbone

Carbone, Elisa.  Blood on the River: James Town 1607.  New York: Viking, 2006.

“Some would say I am lucky.  Others would say I am doomed.  I escaped the gallows–that is why I am lucky…As for being doomed, if I am doomed then so is Richard.  We are the two boys Reverend Hunt decided to bring with him on this jounrey to the New World.” (p. 6-7)

The way we think of it, a trip across the ocean is an exciting adventure or a relaxing vacation.  For Samuel, however, who was released from jail for theft only to become one of the settlers that would found James Town, Virginia in 1607, this “vacation” looks more like this:

“We are all seasick.  And bored.  And we are going absolutely no place.  We have had nothing but storms and winds blowing the wrong direction for weeks now, and so we sit anchored in the cold, close enough to see England’s shores but still trapped down in this hole of a ‘tween deck with the stench of urine and vomit and chicken dung.” (p. 15)

Sounds like it couldn’t get much worse, but then they finally arrive on the coast of Virginia:

“Suddenly I hear a cry, then frantic shouting and someone moaning.  I run to the railing.  In the half-light of dusk I see them, five of them, crouched on a hill, their naked bodies painted, arrows flying from their longbows.  Already ne of the sailors has fallen…I see now that this land is not so free and open.  This is Indian land, and they do no want us here.  And what is worse, it seems to me that their bows and arrows are quicker, more accurate, and can shoot farther than our muskets.” (p. 61-62)

Vacation?  Not on your life, and not on Samuel’s life either.

Mister Pip–by Lloyd Jones

Jones, Lloyd.  Mister Pip.  New York: The Dial Press, 2007.

“Everyone called him Pop Eye.  Even in those days, when I was a skinny thirteen-year-old, I thought he probably knew about his nickname but didn’t care.  His eyes were too interested in what lay up ahead to notice us barefoot kids.  He looked like someone who had seen or known great suffering and hadn’t been able to forget it.  His large eyes in his large head stuck out further than anyone else’s–like they wanted to leave the surface of his face.  They made you think of someone who can’t get out of the house quickly enough.  Pop Eye wore the same white linen suit every day.  His trousers snagged on his bony knees in the sloppy heat.  Some days he wore a clown’s nose.  His nose was already big.  He didn’t need that red lightbulb.  But for reasons we couldn’t think of he wore the red nose on certain days–which may have meant something to him.  We never saw him smile.  And on those days he wore the clown’s nose you found yourself looking away because you never saw such sadness.” (p. 1)

When the village freak–the only white man left on the island–becomes the kids’ teacher, life turns upside down.  And when war and rebellion hit the island, it all goes downhill from there.  Who do you trust?

Uglies–by Scott Westerfield

Westerfield, Scott.  Uglies.  New York: Simon and Schuster, 2005.

When I was a teenager, I felt ugly; most of us do around that age, and you probably have too.  Rotten though it is, it’s normal.  We pretty much grow out of it or get over it eventually.  But it’s painful while it’s happening, right?  Wouldn’t it be perfect if we could just find a way to fix it?

Fast forward to the future: you can now get a surgery to become stunningly beautiful.  Everyone does it.  As soon as you turn 16, you get the surgery, become gorgeous, move to a new city where all your perfectly gorgeous friends live, and all you have to do is party and have fun all day.  Seriously, that’s all there is to it, no hidden tricks.  And everybody’s happy all the time, because there’s no uglyness or stupid stuff like that to stress them out.

But then your best friend decides she wants to run away and not have the surgery.  What the heck?  Who wants to stay ugly forever, on purpose?  She’s obviously an idiot, and it’s not your problem…until you get dragged to Special Circumstances and find out you won’t be allowed to turn Pretty until you find her and bring her back.  You can die ugly for all they care.

That is NOT acceptable, so you go off to find her.  Pretty simple job, really.  But what’s out there in the wilderness, anyway?  Guess you’re about to find out…

Princess Academy–by Shannon Hale

Hale, Shannon.  Princess Academy.  New York: Bloomsbury Children’s Books, 2005.

Up on Mt. Eskel, the villagers don’t get out much.  The only way to make a living up there is to work in the linder quarry, chipping out blocks of the marble-like stone and selling it to the lowland traders who come up the mountain every so often, and that’s exactly what they’ve been doing for countless generations.  Work in the quarry, barter with the traders, work, barter, and so on.  Everyone follows this tradition without fail—everyone, that is, except fourteen-year-old Miri, who’s been barred from the quarry by her father and left to feel completely useless to the mountainside village.

The village’s hundreds of years of routine are suddenly broken up, however, when the chief delegate from the kingdom down below the mountain arrives with an unbelievable announcement: the King’s chief priests have convened, and they’ve determined that the Prince will choose his bride from among the girls of Mt. Eskel.  To prepare the girls for this honor, they’re all going to be herded into a Princess Academy for a year, where they will learn to act like polished princesses instead of rough mountain quarry workers.  Miri is pretty torn about this; she doesn’t want to leave her Pa and her hometown (not to mention Peder, the guy she’s got a huge crush on), but on the other hand it would mean a chance to see the world, never being cold and hungry again, and best of all she wouldn’t have to feel so darn useless anymore.  She decides to go for it, but before she’s been at the academy for long, she discovers that not all that glitters is gold…

“Miri awoke to a tug and a horrible feeling…She felt it again, a tugging on her scalp.  Something was caught in her braid.  She wanted to scream, but terror clamped down on her breath.  Every spot of her skin ached with the dread of what might be touching her.  It felt strong, too big to be a mouse.  The tip of a tail licked her cheek.  A rat.  Miri sobbed breathlessly, remembering the rat bite that had killed a village baby some years before.  She did not dare to call out for fear of spooking the beast…She could not move, she could not speak.  How long would she have to lie there until someone came for her?” (p. 72-73)

A Wreath for Emmett Till–by Marilyn Nelson

Nelson, Marilyn.  A Wreath for Emmett Till. Boston: Houghton Mifflin Company, 2005.

Emmett Till was only fourteen in 1955, a friendly kid from Chicago on a trip down south to meet his relatives.  He was probably like you in many ways.  You may even have committed his crime yourself: whistling at a pretty girl.  But where you might have gotten a cross look or a joking slap for your trouble, Emmett became the victim of one of the most notorious lynchings in American history.

“Pierced by the screams of a shortened childhood,
my heartwood has been scarred for fifty years
by what I heard, with hundreds of green ears.
That jackal laughter.  Two hundred years I stood
listening to small struggles to find food,
to the songs of creature life, which disappears
and comes again, to the music of the spheres.
Two hundred years of deaths I understood.
Then slaughter axed one quiet summer night,
shivering the deep silence of the stars.
A running boy, five men in close pursuit.
One dark, five pale faces in the moonlight.
Noise, silence, back-slaps.  One match, five cigars.
Emmett Till’s name still catches in the throat.”

Lizzie Bright and the Buckminster Boy–by Gary D. Schmidt

Schmidt, Gary D.  Lizzie Bright and the Buckminster Boy.  New York: Clarion Books, 2004.

“Turner Buckminster had lived in Phippsburg, Maine, for fifteen minutes shy of six hours.  He had dipped his hand in its waves and licked the salt from his fingers.  He had smelled the sharp resin of the pines.  He had heard the low rhythm of the bells on the buoys that balanced on the ridges of the sea.  He had seen the fine clapboard parsonage beside the church where he was to live, and the small house set a ways beyond it that puzzled him some.  Turner Buckminster had lived in Phippsburg, Maine, for almost six whole hours.  He didn’t know how much longer he could stand it.” (p. 1)

In some places, being the son of a minister is no big deal.  Phippsburg, Maine, is not one of them.  Everybody is constantly scrutinizing Turner to see if he is upright enough, moral enough, brave enough, polite enough, and even whether his shirt is starched-white enough.  So far, he is a miserable failure.

And things only get worse after those first six hours.  Within two days of his arrival in Phippsburg, he has become the laughingstock of the whole town for his failure at playing baseball, been teased mercilessly as a coward for not jumping off a huge cliff into the ocean, and gotten caught skipping rocks across water that just happened to bump into somebody’s old fence.  Before he can blink, he is sentenced to spend his summer reading and playing organ for a repulsive old woman who yells at him, helps spread the rumors about him, looks and smells funny, and is absolutely obsessed with her own death and making sure her last words will be written down.  He’d just as soon die.

But then he meets Lizzie, an island girl who can row a boat, play baseball like nothing else, dig clams, and speak to whales.  And that changes everything forever.