Guys Write for Guys Read. ed. by Jon Scieska. New York: Viking, 2005.
Are you a guy? Looking for advice? Or maybe you’re a girl looking for advice on how to deal with guys? Look no further:
“Guys BITE THEIR TOENAILS! This is an art form, not a disgusting habit! If Olympic gymnasts could bend down far enough to bite their toenails, they’d win gold medals every time! We defy the physical laws when we chew our toenails. Not only should we not stop doing it–we should do it more often, and in public!
After guys BITE THEIR TOENAILS THEY CHEW THE NAILS UP INTO LITTLE PIECES AND SWALLOW THEM! Not an art form, really, but crunchy–yum!
After guys BITE THEIR TOENAILS AND CHEW THEM AND SWALLOW THEM THEY FIND A GIRL AND KISS HER! Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh!” (p. 218 )
Not the toenail type? Not a problem; how about dessert instead?
“The cat puked up the pecan nut log. Jeff, the youngest and smallest [of the brothers] (and closest to the floor) was the first to go. He got one look and whiff of the pecan nut cat yack and blew his own sticky lunch all over the cat. The puke-covered cat jumped on Brian. Brian barfed on Gregg. Gregg upchucked on Tom. Tom burped a bit of Stuckey lunch back on Gregg. Jim and I rolled down the windows and hung out as far as we could, yelling in group puke horror…Stick with your brothers. Stick up for your brothers. And if you ever drop a pecan nut log in a car with your five brothers and your cat…you will probably stick to your brothers.” (p. 216)
Sage advice, learned the hard way, is what this book is all about: guys’ favorite authors, writing about being guys, including tales like…
- My Maturity, in Flames
- Boys, Beer, Barf, and Bonding
- My French Teacher Tried to Kill Me
- My Entire Football Career
- Bombs, Girls
For these and other stories (high school guys CANNOT afford to miss Chris Crutcher’s story, but it can’t be printed here), check out Guys Write for Guys Read.
